


It's a Tragedy, the Way Our Story Goes

by thevalesofanduin



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Temporary Character Death, M/M, Ok so not really a tragedy, because I love angst, but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 21:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11113617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevalesofanduin/pseuds/thevalesofanduin
Summary: Maybe, perhaps, almost...





	1. Leonard

**MAYBE**

“Hey!”

Leonard turns around, disgruntled and frown on his face. He knows that voice, darn it, and he had hoped he’d never hear it again. Not after yesterday’s disgraceful debacle.

“Yea, I knew it was you!” The kid – _Jim Kirk_ – walks up to him. Eyes bluer than Leonard’s ever seen and they draw him in.

“What do you want, kid?” He asks gruffly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Because this is not about making friends. This is about safety-first, protecting himself because he can see oh-so easily that Jim is an inferno waiting to happen.

And Leonard’s been caught in a metaphorical house on fire before, he’s not about to get burned again.

Jim pats Leonard’s shoulder with a familiarity that suggests they’ve been friends for ages rather than just having met each other yesterday. “Just wondering how the stomach is today Bones.”

Leonard raises an eyebrow so fast he thinks he might actually pull a muscle and his voice is low and demanding as he asks: “Bones?”

Jim’s eyes sparkle impishly and he lowers his voice, makes a frowning face as he mimics: “All I’ve got left is my Bones.”

Leonard snorts and raises his eyes to the sky. “Jesus man, are you twelve?”

“If that’s what you’re into.” Jim leers.

Leonard blanches, eyes wide and for a moment his breath leaves him before he screeches: “What!”

“Kidding, Bones. Just kidding!” Jim laughs and slaps Leonard’s arm playfully. “Come on, let’s grab some lunch.”

And as Jim drags him towards the cafeteria, Leonard feels the flames of his demise licking at his feet.

 

**PERHAPS**

“When I’m Captain I’m gonna need a CMO.”

Leonard looks up from his book and raises an eyebrow at Jim. Second year in the Academy and they’re roommates – Jim announced it one day and Leonard’s never asked _how_ he’d pulled that off, he’s probably better off not knowing. Rooming with Jim is a constant mess of emotions for Leonard – from irritation to happiness and just basic sexual frustration in-between. But most of all, it’s _comfortable_ and there’s nothing quite as soothing after a long day than coming back to _their_ dorm to find Jim sprawled on his bed, books open and frown on his face as he studies.

“Do you now.” He returns, small smile on his lips.

Jim’s enthusiasm and endless belief in success is addictive, in a way. Makes Leonard strive to be a better man.

Christ, he’s such a besotted fool, isn’t he?

“Jup,” Jim nods and slides off of his bed, makes his way over to Leonard’s and squats down in front of it so he can look Leonard in the eyes. “So better work hard, Bones. ‘Cause that CMO’s gotta be you.”

Leonard’s taken aback by the intensity in Jim’s eyes. By how much he means it, hopes for it.

They’ve never spoken about their friendship, which has grown quicker and stronger than either of them had ever imagined. They’ve never _said_ that by now they can’t imagine being in space without the other by their side because that’s how close they’ve become.

Not until now.

A happy warmth unfolds itself in Leonard’s gut, leaving him speechless because he hadn’t expected to feel this again, not after Jocelyn.

Jim huffs, shakes his head in amusement and raises an eyebrow at Leonard as he says: “Don’t act surprised.”

“I’m not, I’m just –” _overcome with emotions, with longing, with the realization I never want to leave your side._ He shakes his head, pushes at Jim’s shoulder because joking around is what they _do_ and says: “Just don’t expect me to finish in three years.”

Jim laughs, retaliates with a “we’ll see about that,” before he moves back to his bed and _oh,_ Leonard thinks, _how wonderful it feels to burn_.

 

**ALMOST**

The sound of a zipper being lowered will never be the same again.

Not when the fabric of the body-bag parts slowly under his shaking hands, not when part by part his worst nightmare is revealed and the foundations of his life are falling out from underneath him.

Nothing will ever the same again.

Not with those blue eyes closed.

Not with Jim dead in his Medbay.

_Jim, dead_

Leonard drops his hands, takes an unsteady step back and he wants to scream, wants to shout and cry because _no, no, no!_

All that comes out, however, is a breath that burns his throat and he has the mind to get himself to a chair before his legs give out underneath him and he’ll fall to the ground.

Jim is gone.

His best friend, his companion, _his heart_.

He buries his head in his hands, draws a shaking breath and he doesn’t quite care about the tears down his cheeks.

His heart is falling apart, his mind screaming and he knows he’ll never be the same person again.

Burned, again, yet this time only the ashes of his former self remain, the rest of his heart – his soul – burnt out together with the inferno that was Jim Kirk.

 

_Bonus: **Maybe**_

Jim’s eyes blink open. Those bluer than blue eyes that still draw Leonard in.

That will _always_ draw him in.

Suddenly it’s like something lets loose inside of Leonard and he can breathe again. Like his own will to live has been returned now that Jim’s _alive_.

He almost falls to the floor in grateful tears.

_Almost_

But Jim’s in discomfort, in pain and Leonard will save his _I love you’s_ and _I’m sorry I never told you’s_ for later. Because right now Jim needs normal. Needs Leonard to be Leonard rather than the emotional mess Jim has made him.

So he says “oh, don't be so melodramatic. You were _barely_ dead,” and lets the wildfire that is his love for Jim spread through his body again.

Because if Jim is an inferno, Leonard will happily burn.


	2. Jim

**MAYBE**

He doesn’t let people in easily.

He’s social, outgoing and flirty, yes, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s all superficial, easy-going but quite meaningless, a way to fill his time and not the holes in his heart.

He drinks too much but hey, he’s a party-boy. He is an expertise flirt but with looks like his, who can blame him? He always laughs, talks and really, does the man even take the Academy seriously?

He  _knows_  what people say behind his back even after only three months at the Academy and despite the façade he puts up it hurts no-one sees through it. That deep urge to learn, to be a better man, to _succeed_.

No-one, except for one person, apparently.

“You still out here studying?” Leonard drops his own books down next to Jim’s and slides into the seat next to his, voice soft because the lady at the library desk is not someone you want to piss off.

Jim glances up, huffs and leans back against his chair with a smile on his lips that feels slightly forced. “I know right? I should totally be at the bar right now.”

“You should be sleeping.” Leonard points out with a steady look into Jim’s direction. “God knows you’ve been studying for hours already. And don’t pretend you’re not busting your ass off,  I ain’t stupid.” He huffs.

Jim wavers slightly under Leonard’s steady gaze.

Not for the first time he finds himself thinking that Leonard’s like an ocean. Still and beautiful on a calm day yet wild and dark during a storm with depths so deep Jim’s certain he could get lost in them.

Because meeting Leonard, dragging him off to lunch on that second day he’d never expected him to actually care. To actually  _see_  Jim. He’d thought they’d just be acquaintances.

Not…  _this_

Leonard spreads his own PADD’s over the table, gets his notes ready and chides: “And get some reading glass, I can see you squinting at your papers when you read.”

When Jim turns back to his notes with a small smile, he can swear he feels cold, salty water lap at his toes.

 

**PERHAPS**

Under investigation

Grounded

_Left behind_

He barely keeps it together as he clasps Leonard’s shoulder, as he tells his friend to take care.

He’s not sure what hurts more.

Knowing he’s worked so hard to be able to go  _to_  space and being denied to go or to have Leonard go there without him.

Because where he’ll be Captain, Leonard will be CMO.

That’s what they’d said, that’s what they dreamed off.

But he’s never been the one to actually lives his dreams so perhaps he should’ve known this time he wouldn’t, either.

He watches Leonard walk away and the smile on his face feels more like a grimace, the ache in his chest definitely heartache. He lowers his eyes and takes a harsh breath.

He’s done this before, he can do it again.

Then Leonard’s turning around, is dragging him along and fuck if he doesn’t hate the man for giving him that hypo. But damn if he doesn’t love him for getting him on the Enterprise, for breaking regulations to make sure Jim gets to live his dream. To be the first person in Jim’s life that has actively done all he can to make sure that Jim doesn’t get left behind

Because Leonard McCoy is the first person that has gone above and beyond all of Jim’s expectations. That keeps tearing down Jim’s walls stone by stone yet it’s not with the intention to tear him apart. No, it’s with the intent to use the stones to rebuild him, to replace the wall with a  _home_ and sometimes it feels as if Jim is drowning in the ocean that is Leonard.

But oh what a sweet death it is.

 

**ALMOST**

He knows this is it.

The end.

Death is coming for him in the wake of a heroic, selfless sacrifice.

_His father would be proud_.

But facing death, it is not his father he wants to make proud. Not anymore. Because all he thinks about is Leonard. His friend, his heart,  _his Bones_.

He’ll be devastated. A broken man and for a moment Jim regrets his actions. Not saving the crew – saving Bones – but at the thought of leaving Bones behind he feels regret nonetheless.

Yet it’s not Leonard that comes to him and while Jim is grateful to not spend his last moments by himself, to have Spock there who  _is_  a dear friend he wishes it was Leonard instead.

A selfish wish for does he really want the other to see him like this? For if Spock is already devastated in the face of seeing Jim like this how would Leonard feel? His tears would surely break Jim’s heart.

But at least he’d have a chance to say goodbye.

Say the things he should’ve said long ago.

_I love you_

A tear slips down his cheeks, a numbing grief spreading through his body at the loss of his own life and at the thought of losing Bones – even if it is Bones that’s losing him.

_Bones, please_  is the last thought that slips through his mind, eyes already closing and losing focus of the door he so desperately wants to watch.

_Bones_

Because in his last moments, before it all goes dark and his body falls limply and lifelessly towards the floor, all that Jim wants is to be swept away by Leonard’s waters.

 

_Bonus: **Maybe**_

It’s sweet,  _sweet_  air that he draws into his lungs.

Air he never thought he’d breathe again and it’s surreal to open his eyes, to hear the steady beep and hum of the biobed. The fact he is alive a miracle and there’s grateful, relieved tears burning in his eyes.

_He’s alive_

The shuddering breath that passes his lips may very well be a sob.

“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic. You were barely dead,” Leonard’s voice washes over Jim’s senses.

That familiar, comforting voice that calms Jim’s nerves, fills his heart with love.

And as his eyes catch Leonard’s and he sees the relief, the tiredness and the devotion in those depths he lets the tsunami that is his love for Leonard wash over him.

Because if Leonard is the ocean, then Jim will be happy to drown in his waters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://thevalesofanduin.tumblr.com/) <3

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://thevalesofanduin.tumblr.com/) <3


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